[A/N: If you are a close minded person, clear out of here. I didn’t know expressing feelings is free of judgments; yet then again, we live in a world full of it, don’t we?]
You guys know who you are.
I am writing this at the moment because I know how it feels; to be betrayed like that over some “stories” that were true, yet refused to believe by many; or “stories” that were just stories, yet everyone had believed instantly.
I cannot name all of you since you dominate the number of my real friends (yes, i do have real friends, and i guess they ARE unlucky as you guys point it out as always, but i am thankful for them in ways i can’t exactly explain), but I’ll address you all in entirety. I guess this isn’t really what “sincere” is, but I know that most of you wouldn’t really be that approachable anymore (yes, I am judging you with this statement, something that most of you do; forgive me, i am merely expressing.), so here goes.
I don’t know what your perception of fake is, but please know that you can always ask, instead of distancing yourselves. There are things that I lie about (no point denying it since my real friends also know that I am a terrible liar), but there are things that have certain truths. You have your points, that maybe I should do the approaching; but, dear God, I’ve done it so many times in different timelines and maybe I just stick to what I learned in the past; nothing wrong with it, is there?
Concerning the things I lie about, I have a lot of them. White lies, mostly. And yes, for attention. But never about my state of being. I lie about stories, and I lie about things that I say sometimes; for a reason, though. I’ve told most of you guys why and what for, and it’s up to you to believe it or not.
I never lie about how I feel though (except telling people that “it’s okay” when it’s not). I won’t expound more, because I prefer to tell this in the future, in person, when you guys are ready to talk.
My point is, yes, I am not a “chix” for you guys to bother approaching me first, but ignoring me wouldn’t help either. It would just result to an ugly turn of events, and immature indirects on social media, and a lot of things similar. And if your intentions are peace, then the feel of wanting to reach out should be mutual; that is, if you even intend ones. But as one of you pointed out, “hindi naman ako kawalan.”
Just recently I’ve been guilty about backstabbing one of my peers, and it’s shameful. I shouldn’t have said that about her, because I’ve been bullied like her before, so I started talking to her again (I’m sorry again if you’re reading this; but you can have assurance that I will never speak ill of you again). I won’t be included in the bandwagon of the ones who cause societal cancer. I wouldn’t judge or stab anyone in the back ever again. I feel terrible.
So if you guys are reading this, should I be approaching you within days, ignore me or not, it will always be up to you. But I had enough of the silence and the horrible things I have done that is anti-social. And if ignored still, then, I won’t be joining the club. I’ve had enough of sneers and whispers, and this is me breaking my innermost thoughts. Help yourselves to gossips.
Once again, I apologise profusely for the things you thought I lie about, or the things I lie about, even. There will be proper execution of this, I assure you. Maybe it’s time I speak to all of you one by one, before cutting the cord (for people who wouldn’t dare speak to me again), or being reunited once again.