Regrets

I regret being with the wrong crowd.

It had affected me in ways that I could not explain the past few years (to be exact, last two years). How it made me trust less and distance myself more to others. It affected my thoughts about the society; my mindset was, society had cancer; where people tell others to be themselves, and be judged for it.

I had so much to say about the issue; I mean, yeah. I am friendly and somewhat “care free”, like what my friends say. But no one really knows how I lock myself in my room when I arrive home. How I cry about the littlest of things; how I want to have a better society that would extend global unity; but frustration overcame my determination; how can one teenager who has societal issues cause a betterment?

I may not be one of a kind, but my intentions are clear; but I guess, no one can really escape reality. One too many people are jeopardized about the fact that they CAN stereotype other people. But little do they know that it’s SO WRONG. And I don’t know how I can help, if people do not really help themselves.

There was this one time in my high school years where I had to endure bullies and whispers about me. I really thought about suicide. I don’t know what else to do besides the fact that I want to cut my wrists in slits and end it. JUST END IT. That echoes in my mind and I guess at the time, the only way for the voices in my head to stop is to just do it. No one would care anyway; but that was my biggest regret.

Helping society may be useless for now; but I want to be part of the change that would occur if the time comes. I’d rather not mind what other people say, because I know deep down that I’m not really those things; it doesn’t hurt me anymore. A wise person once told me, that if none of those things are true, then I wouldn’t have a reason to be afraid.

And I wasn’t afraid.

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