Seriously I don’t know what to do.

Just this week, I’ve tried to apply for internships; one for an online news blog, and another, for a nationwide broadsheet. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself; but I would really like to try the hands on experience. I’ve tried consulting my mom; she’s all for it, but she has no confidence in me. I’ve tried my friends, and they’ve told me to give it a go. So, I did.

I contacted the news blog through social media, and thank God they had replied earlier than expected. They instructed me to pass a curriculum vitae (resume) and some sample works. I tried to rack my heads to think of a news and a feature, completed my CV, and passed it to the blog’s email. Same thing happened with the newspaper; only, that they had conducted an interview and I am not confident enough about the answers they’ve bombarded me with questions with.

Results? Here I am, waiting for one of them to confirm.

I have a serious problem with self-esteem. I do not have that. I have insecurities and people might think I am overreacting and over thinking. But, it is an attitude of mine that came natural for me. I can be positive for others, yet I degrade myself. How do I overcome these pretenses?

Most people say I should just get over it. I’m not ugly, I’m actually nice, I write well and I am a good person. But why are they not satisfying for me? It’s like…

I’m finding myself. Or, I am pushing myself harder to become better; will I ever be better?

I guess I need to love myself more.

But how?


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