Existentialism

“God knows what’s best for you. Leave yourself in His embrace.” – from my bestfriend

I need answers.

I try my best to be positive. Really. But as time progress, I can’t help wondering what on earth am I here for. Yes, I’ve heard about the saying that it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey. I know that. But… I can’t help wondering what could be in store for me? I have big dreams; but the way to those dreams have to get through rocky roads, icy alps, and dangerous overtakes. What I feel is… I know what I want to be, but I don’t know how to be. I know where I want to be, but I don’t know how to be there. I might be over thinking (it’s something I do almost everyday) but questions roam around my system.

So I talk to God. What does He plan for me? Am I in a higher plan? I trust him and His decisions. But I don’t get it. My mind’s messed up, my heart gets hurt, my body feels figuratively weak all the time. I have this mindset: Be what you want to be. Try before you complain. Well, I do. But sometimes, even my hardest try isn’t good enough. Why do I exist? Am I needed to be used by God in some way? And when? Does He notice me up there?

I need answers.

God, I surrender. I don’t know where you’re taking me. But if this is your will, then so be it. Please help me not to doubt my existence, please?

Disclaimer: I’m writing this in the midst of accomplishing a report due earlier this afternoon, which I failed to pass on time due to the amount of workload. I act and over think like this because not being able to pass, is a double deduction (in our college). I’m in God’s hands.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s