My life is a constricted wave; no matter how much it wants to push to the shore, it is being limited by stronger bodies of water.
It drowns me; all of these stresses, unwanted responsibilities and being unheard. It feels like whatever I do is never enough; it has to push me all the way to the wall in order to be heard, yet, nobody still hears the screams I let go. Before, I used to be the flame–A flame that exceeds all boundaries, spreading warmth wherever I go and it’s not so hard to breathe. I used to be a simple girl with simple goals. But as time progressed, I was put out by water. I’m sure people are capable of understanding that water puts out fire. And that happened to me. I mustn’t be near or even touching lives with water, but here I am, in the middle of a troubled ocean, unable to breathe anymore.
There are some things I can’t tell people. Not even the people I trust the most. Why?
What if they left me? What if, if they learned the truth about my surging wave, what if they got blown away? They might be scared, or even drowned by the wave I constrict inside of me. I’m afraid that if I told them what I really feel, or what really happens to me…
they’ll walk away from me. That’s what I’m afraid of.
Because I used to be this girl who was so close to people. Now, I’m afraid of people. I attach myself to people I know and trust best, rather than risking and encouraging myself to meet others.
I need a certain “coming out into the open.” But how? To whom?
Welcome to the thoughts I cannot fathom into constellations.
Welcome to the inevitable complications of my mind. Yet I ask my mind, how on earth do I send myself back into the shore and be a free flame again?