SUMMER SCARE

Honestly?

I don’t like summer. I used to anticipate summer very much since my childhood age up to my last high school days. But no, situations changed my view on summer days.

I would normally like the idea of swimming in pools and beaches, hiking and walking in the sunlight and making cute sand castles but now… I’d rather just wait for another school year to start. Because to be honest… summer scares the hell out of me. Summer was when my dad left. Summer was when I had to grow out of my childhood days because my mom left me to my grandmother than let me stay with her. Summer was when he broke my heart and almost left me hanging and crying and almost dying.

IN short… summer was when I felt I wasn’t good enough for anyone else. Because if people can leave me just like that… then that would seem like I am not really a great person. Right? Because if I was… then people would stop leaving and hurting my feelings. But as long as everything hurts me… I guess Patricia is not a person worth being with, after all.

I don’t think anyone understands what I want. Or is it my fault that I want things permanent? I want things to stay like it is… I pray that the happy things would be for keeps, and the painful things would be the one that goes away. But… what happens is vice versa. Nothing is permanent… so does that mean I have to ready myself for what will happen? Who will stay by my side, and who will not?

I don’t want to have any bad summers anymore. This summer, I’m dreading to even live to see the sunny days. Rains are much better. I remember that each sunlight last summer led me to my almost-death. I can’t believe that I actually had confidence in my life because I thought people would really stay… but some chose to leave, some chose to stay, and some chose to just hurt me as they stay.

Summer, summer, summer. Can you be at least good to me? What did I ever do to you?

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