Is real happiness really hard to find?
I live in a daydream. I often want the little things, but of course they will need more time before it actually happens. What I really mean is to live that daydream, someday, without having to worry about anything that would concern my past. The horrible, horrible past of mine I wanted to get away with. I want to get away. So here goes, me stating that dream that I hope would come true one day.
Last night I had this dream. I don’t know exactly how it began. Out of the blue, there was an image of me, checking my phone for messages. Suddenly, it buzzed. There, I saw my boyfriend texted me. I thought it was just a random text to start a conversation. The contents of the message shocked me. It says, “Coat, check. Locations, checked. Vows, checked. Rings, intact. What’s missing is you. I’ll wait for you at the altar tomorrow.” I don’t know how or why, but he was saying that tomorrow, he would wait for me at the altar.
Does this mean that tomorrow would be my wedding?
I blinked my eyes for several moments but the text was really there. I looked around my room, which wasn’t really my room. It was a different room, looking over a lake, it was night. There was gorgeous wedding dress on my bed with a veil on it. That dress was white chiffon with a bubbly effect and it was simple. Very simple, not much details which I want it to be. The veil was breathtaking, though. Little sparkly things were around it as if they make up of a sky full of stars. The effect was amazing, and I was really being swallowed by the idea of getting married. Tomorrow.
In that dream, I opened my twitter and fb accounts and sure enough, friends started greeting me and posting stuffs about my “wedding”. My mother was actually there. My brother, too, who became fully grown (because he’s really just two years old.) Suddenly, I can’t wait to wake up or to even sleep just to convince myself that things were really happening, and then that was it. The big day’s tomorrow, and I hadn’t even made a vow. So there I was, writing and I didn’t notice myself falling asleep.
Then the big day came. Instantaneously when I woke up, I was already clad in that gorgeous wedding dress, maked-up and ready to meet my future husband in the aisle. I don’t even know where exactly we would get married but I’m starting to get excited. Everything was smooth-sailing, I’m just being waited to board the ship going to Lifetimesville. Today I would be his, forever.
Don’t you just hate interruptions? Just as I was walking down that aisle, looking in his happy-struck eyes, holding his hand, putting our rings on each other’s fingers, kissing me to be his lawfully wedded wife, I was really really happy. Especially when I heard his vows to me. I remembered a few words like “…starting today, I’ll be yours to keep, and even if we fight, I’ll hold your hand. When you get mad, I’ll hug you tight. Find a way to work this out. Because I surrender to you, my love.” Just after that happy moment of “you may now kiss the bride” and afterwards, I WOKE UP. BECAUSE I HAD TO GO TO SCHOOL.
I never imagined being so disgruntled to wake up. Reality seem to take away the happiness I feel. I felt nothing but regret that I woke up. I GOT MARRIED. I GOT MARRIED IN MY DREAM AND I WANTED THAT MOMENT TO LAST FOREVER. I THOUGHT I WAS FINALLY GETTING RID OF MY HORRIBLE PAST BUT THERE I WAS, LYING ON A FOAM BED, IN MY SHEETS AND THINKING. “What if I don’t want to wake up from that dream?”
But I can’t do that. It was just a dream, but we can both turn that dream into a reality. Someday we would be each other’s happily ever after, and all the pains and hardships would be more than worth it.