I lost it.
The normal me would have endured until the very end and end up being a martyr. Instead, last night, I lost it.
Had you ever feel that you have to hold back all the anger you have from your insides because you want less stress and less chaos to happen? That you need to hold everything back because you have enough things to think about. But at one point in your life, you have to let it all out. Once you preserve all the anger in your heart and try to seal it, concealing it as if it’s not there, you tend to just blow up.
And last night, I’ve had it. I exploded.
We were ex best-friends, if I could call her that at the time. we’ve been a great tandem, and we talk on the phone as long as we could. She stood by my side when people were going against me behind my back. But that was before, when her crush started courting me.
I could understand that. She changed because her crush wanted me instead of her. and to be honest, I liked him too. So before I consented on his courting me, I asked her first if it was alright. I said I would back out if ever she still wanted him. But she said she was happy for me, and I thought she was a real friend because of that. I felt bad about it, but she insisted that it was alright, and after a month I have a boyfriend already.
when I graduated high school (I was ahead for a year) everything changed. She started to become brutal. She started to disrespect me. She started to talk about me behind my back, smirk whenever our paths crossed at school, and this was the worst. She spread a rumor about me being pregnant and me and my boyfriend aborted the baby.
That made me so mad. I could understand her sudden change of heart because she still had feelings for my boyfriend. And I would have endured it, because she felt bitter that I get to be in this position beside him always. But she went overboard by spreading a false rumor. I’ve had my faults, but this has gotten out of hand. it was affecting me, and it also affected him, but he said I should just not pay attention because rumors aren’t true.
Last night we had a twitter fight. She was going to take up journalism. Like me. But how could she take up journalism if she doesn’t live up the expectations of the journalistic code of ethics? She even told me I need to review the ethics; what a complete irony! She was the one spreading the rumors that weren’t real. She was the one making me look like a fool, slandering me to her friends. If we became professionals now, and she did this, I would have consulted a lawyer and sue her for slander. Unfortunately, we weren’t.
I wasn’t supposed to tell her things about how immature her actions were, and that she shouldn’t have taken journalism. And it hurt pretty bad because we were once friends. But something in me sparked that queued an explosion. An explosion that I was avoiding to let happen. But it did. I’ve never been this angry before.
For once, I backed myself up. I actually defended myself.
Now, I won’t be trusting easily. Not even my best-est friends.