The Trouble with Loving a Person

To be honest I don’t know until when would I hold on to one person. But that was before I met him.

Like I said over past blogs, he’s not the Prince Charming I’ve been anticipating ever since I was a kid. Because to be honest I didn’t know I’d end up with someone completely my opposite. And, I’ve mentioned all his flaws that I still love, even after all this time. I always remember the times, good or bad, with him, and most of them make me tear up in inexplicable bliss. But of course, there would be no relationships that would have no bad times, right? Well, another confession is that there would be hardly a day that we wouldn’t argue about something; not even the littlest of things. We’d quarrel over his hair; other people’s perfect body shape; if one of us weren’t able to come to a supposed date; if one of us makes the plans yet one of us had totally ruined it unintentionally; or something related to all of the above. And me, being a girl, I would have to say that most times I become insecure with other girls, or guys, for that matter ((wrote this in a past blog before)) [Okay no more sugar coating, I’m jealous and being complicated because of being the girl i am].

Yet here we both are, standing tall, proud and strong. One year and counting, I might add. Should I elaborate more on his behalf?

Well, not long ago, during our anniversary night, he went to our house around past 10 already. It was the first time someone went to see me that late in the night. I have to say, he’d been doing sweet things lately that I don’t expect that he would do for me. So I went out for a while to see him bring me some tarts from his camping. Then he said things that made me almost cry, but I had to hold them back. I don’t want to have a crying session, but he himself had tears from the edge of his eyes yet no tears fell out. His words kept echoing in my head: “I was supposed to say a speech but I left my glasses on the bus… and I forgot… but I just want to let you know that… when I told you last summer that I didn’t love you anymore… I realized I was wrong. Because I realized it was always and will always be you.” This had me, really. I remembered the pain I had to endure last summer when he said he was doubting his feelings for me already and it almost made me want to give up on life. And here he was, declaring and eating all of the hurtful words he told me that summer. “I love you,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

He’s frequently saying sorry and doing sweet things lately. I don’t know if I should cry out of hurt, because every time I remember what happened, I just remember pain. But nothing beats the hurt I feel when I see him cry. There was this one time where I made him cry because I was angry at him while he wasn’t finished with school requirements yet. There was also a time where he had to submit a scholarship application for one of the schools he passed for college but he didn’t make it for the time quota. Seeing him cry shatters my world in a million pieces. Seeing him cry makes me gag and wished I would not have to feel that kind of hurt again. And suddenly when he says sorry, I don’t try to remember my pain; because it hurts me when he has to say sorry. I forgive him easily. I can’t bear the thought of his sadness.

You get my point, reader?

The trouble with loving a person is, you permit yourself to be hurt. Not with your own terms, but with the thought of that person being hurt. That would probably be the worst torture you’d ever feel. But of course, as his/her lover, you have to endure that, because you need to be strong for him. And I think that is the beauty of being with that person; through tough times or the great times, you’re with them. and someday, he/she will be able to thank you that you stayed.

“Please don’t leave me.” He said one afternoon.

You’re right, love. I won’t ever leave you. And someday, you’ll thank God that you found someone like me to be with for the rest of your life. 🙂

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