Christmas? Christmas.

Honestly when I was a child I anticipated for Christmas more enthusiastically than most kids. And it also may seem absurd, but I leave cookies out for Santa, cook for Christmas, and I would never miss out on a dawn/evening mass. I used to sing carols for our neighbors, and I personally put up the Christmas tree together with my family members. I loved the idea of the lights flooding over the dark streets of my hometown, or wherever may I be spending the holidays. But that was before. That was way before. Until one day, my family members began drifting away one by one until I lost sense of what Christmas is all about.

Today’s the 24th. Today is also my ninth Christmas alone. I got used to nine Christmases alone because no one’s really with me since my parents separated. When I was 7, my mom and dad called it quits. My mom had a job elsewhere and my dad ran off with his new beau. So technically I was left in the province with my grandmother and a house help. My grandmother wanted to celebrate Christmas even if she doesn’t really feel up to it, because she knew how important the holidays were to me. But I kind of lost enthusiasm because I wanted a complete family that time. Eventually, I got used to things being that way until finally I spend Christmas alone and I don’t really anticipate for it anymore. Plus, most people think about Christmas as gift giving and food, that it lost its spiritual meaning somehow.

But somehow, I find Christmas mornings very refreshing. Maybe in my heart I know that someone out there loves me and will be there for me, even if we’re not together right now (in the sense of being physically there for me). I think what matters is that we both know that Christmas is something more, and celebrations aren’t really important. What matters is the holiday spirit, and of course, knowing the real essence behind Christmas.

Merry Christmas people! And have a good one 🙂

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