I can’t believe I can love like this.
You see, my boyfriend has a lot of flaws. I’ve written that in one of my write ups here. And sometimes, his flaws just gets worse. every time we fight he always makes me feel it’s all my fault. But I don’t get it why it only makes me love him even more, instead of hating him and just be done with him. All his flaws just makes me want to love him even more than i do and stay with him for good. I feel like he needs me more than anyone does, and I’m trying my best to fulfill all his wishes at the best way that I can.
Tonight we got into a fight. It has something to do with little things. Like, really, it’s no big deal. It’s about how a simple stupidity ruined his chances of getting what he wants (at the moment what he wanted was really simple, nothing grand). So I tried talking him out of it but he wouldn’t listen. And until now we are still blabbering about the mistake of the poor man to him. I expected him to act like this since he always does when he doesn’t quite get what he wants. What’s worse is that he often blames me for everything but it’s just so unbearable at the moment. I’m mad at him, yes. He’s making a really big deal out of a small thing and that’s disturbing. But here’s the thing.
He’s different from men I met. And of all my ex lovers, he’s my most favorite. He’s the one I loved more than life itself. Seeing him sad and mad at the world is my weakness. Every time he vents out, I become affected immediately. And sometimes, even when I do get mad or irritated at the same time, I can’t prolong it. I can;t stand being mad at him. I can’t (honestly speaking) stay mad at him. He’s the weakness of my heart and everytime we fight my insides feel like I’ve had heavy doses of anaestesia. I feel numb. So tonight I kind of thought I’d give up on him,
but I’m wrong. Because I only loved him even more than I could, than I should. And I;m sure he wont believe it. I’m sure you wont believe it. But my heart believes it.
I can love hiim more than this, even if he breaks my heart in pieces.