Risking It All

I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve them. I don’t deserve anyone.

I don’t know what I’ve been doing lately. It would seem that I have been doing things that would ruin my chances of having a better future. I can’t say that it’s not my fault, but somehow no one can blame everything on me. Something changed me and I swear, I’m not the type if person who would want to ruin my future because firstly, I am too excited for the future. I wanted to leave high school, start college and be done with it. I want to get out of my parents’ home so badly because I just want to be alone with my job, him and everything I would need for my future. But it would seem that I am giving up the dream.

Since the start of the second half of the first semester, I haven’t been myself. I have been cutting classes and that was unusual for me. I’ve done it for days, weeks. Idk if it would actually count as months but idk. It just seems that I am being demotivated by lots of stuffs. Like, I am not socializing with anyone in the class because yeah idk. I don’t get it. I’m said to be friendly and all that but as I can see, no one has the guts to even get to know me. Idk why. So yeah everytime I walk in the classroom they’d ask me where did I go when I didn’t go to class then after that they would carry on ignoring me. Sad life, Plus, my mom just cant wait to shut me out as well. Maybe I’m living to be hated? Idk I just feel so alone. The only one paying attention to me is my boyfriend, and some elemetary batch acquaintances of mine and yeah the Grade 7 Honesty who’s always there for me (when I’m at their school.)

Idk. I feel sorry for my boyfriend. Idk. I’m not exactly the perfect girl. I’m not that pretty nor do I have a bikini ready body but he’s always there. He’s smarter than I am (am I even smart). And yeah. I’ve been irresponsible lately idk if he reads this (i really hope not) but I just want him to know I;d be better. But maybe I don’t deserve you. Or anyone else. But hey, I’m not giving us up.

I feel sorry for the friends who stick up for me. Guys keep me strong, I feel so alone. </3 I’ll be better someday. Idk when tho.

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